riverside, ca part deux

it's all kind of surreal, but...
we're here in riverside, ca...
i'm not gonna lie, it's not that bad, and i actually like it up here....
but not enough...

rancho cucamonga is my home...

a series of things have been on my mind lately..
the relationships i have with people, my family, and brian...
it's wierd i mean i'm reconnecting with a lotta old friends...
jovana who's been nearest and dearest to me maybe since i was a freshman in high school, has been on the reconnect lately..
and well other friends i no longer have, but always have a special place in my heart...

my best friend aisa is preggo!!! we're excited and it's gonna be a rough road, but she's got all of us and her man by her side, i'm so extremely excited to be ninang,

with my family things have been chill...
but awkward, i dont know if it's the stress that everyone's going thru with the move but i dont know...
it makes me feel funny,
i have a wierd vibe..
i'm trying my best to be nice and have a good attitude, but sometimes when things arent reciprocated i tend to just shuttup and give up...

which leads me to this...
being nonchalant and defiant is it all really worth it?

i guess my biggest flaw, and biggest asset is my desire to please everyone,
my problem is i care about everything...
i dont like making my parents mad, and i dont like doing things that make anyone upset...
i'd rather there be harmony and order as opposed to any tension...

i guess that's just me, but i just dont get it...
i really dont understand the mean, the moodiness lemme take shit out on u..
the im gonna be fucked up to u even though u have no idea why...
but i think...that's why im glad i'm moving,
i dont have to deal with it, if my family is mad then they're mad, but i'm not going to be subjected to any sense of anxiousness...
but really i think that i should stop being so concerned about how everyone else feels...
or maybe i just try to hard...

i dont know obviously all of this is kinda not making sense because i'm just saying things as they come into my head, but on the real....
i'm over feeling like i'm the only one that ever CARES about what other people say or do...
or how they feel or whatever...

GAAAHHHH blah blah blah i'm so done with it..
i'm sorry if i've kind of rambled on, but i can't help it

either way....

AIM me this lonely evening...

misskrisnicole07

DO IT just DO IT