day one

becoming a smart spender....

today/tomorrow will be my first day as a wise spender.

$20 a week on food, and making sure that I pack my food a majority of the time!!

....

hopefully, I can come back tomorrow and said i Spent 2 bucks or NOTHING at all, aside for necessities....

i will need to purchase gas tomorrow though, but that's a necessity...


GAAH! i'm SO scared

new chapters...

yet another new chapter will be opening in my life...
my parents and my sister and i have been hustlin and bustlin in this household these days because well folks...
no longer will we own this house.

my parents have decided to purchase a beautiful home in riverside...
and by september...

i will be moving out.....

i never thought those words would ever come out of my mouth with genuine truth..

it may be october, but it is most likely september, if the place we want has the rooms we want...

it looks like it's gonna be brian, my co-worker and me.

im scared...
really really scared...
and talking to skyeler about it...

i'm not scared for the money, or brian and i...
i'm scared about my parents...

how do i tell them i'm leaving the nest?
how in the world do i even begin?

my parents for 22 years have supported me as far as putting a roof over my head...
and so now..

i'm probably gonna take on a number of things...
like my 2 hundred something dollar car insurance...
maintaining my car..
buying my own food........

im getting a bit scared, but i can do it right???

this raise that i'm getting couldnt come at a better time,
my annual review, that couldnt come at a better time either...

and so goes the necessities...
so far i have donations of...

a couch (thank u carshena!)
a refrigerator (I WUV U CHELSEA!)
a tv (THE BEST KOREAN MOM EVER!)

those are big ticket items that i'm definitely thankful for...

our bed set and mattress and dresser are prolly gonna cost us about 600
that i'm planning to get gradually...

we will still need a dining table, and a tv stand.

essential things like pots pans utensils and such....

.....

wow...
this is ...

intense...

i'm rambling and my whole 5 readers are probably bored =T

if any of u have any suggestions or tips or anything about all these little things that we need let me know..

♥

heres to changing my life :)

and so the story goes...

so i was talking to one of my nearest and dearest friends, and well...
aisa asked about a specific person whom i used to call my best friend....
and i realized how intense it was that we are no longer best friends.

i mean the both of us, we went thru sooo much together,
ever since i was a freshman in high school, i dubbed her ateh...
then we just grew closer and closer, we gave each other that shoulder to cry one that no one else could provide..

and somewhere along the way, one of us changed, maybe her, maybe me....
the funny thing is, you always see the change in other people than in yourself, so i couldnt honestly tell you who really changed...

and now i'm here, it was her birthday last month, and it was the first birthday that i didnt spend with her...
it was the first year that we, weren't BFF's

but God knows....
i miss her so much...

i miss the late night sessions....
i miss the infinite text messages and phone calls throughout the day...
nobody has taken her place, and sometimes in hopes that she might take that space back up again...

i never ever thought that i would be this sad about not being friends with her any longer...

there's so many times when i've wanted to call her, or text her and just tell her...

i'm sorry that i did things the way i did, and that i'd hope we could start over...
but i could picture the face she makes when she sees my text because she cant possibly forgive me, or thinks i'm just a stupid, naive asss.

when my nanay was in the hospital i was so thankful for all the support, and the love i got...
my family, friends, and co-workers were extremely supportive...
but i for some reason, hoped that michelle would randomly call me and say "hey bitch i fucking miss u"...
because michelle would say that....
and i could cry my heart out to her because i was so scared that this trip to the hospital was going to be a extremely crucial one...
because michelle, is one of the very few people that arent family or brian that understand how MUCH my nanay means to me...
because michelle was always compassionate and concerned enough to concern herself with the relationships i had with my nanay...

what an idiot i must have been to not support her,
for the first time in our friendship i think that inadvertently, she was asking for help...
and i walked away, because....
because i was selfish and felt like i should no longer partake in such behavior...

but....
i wish...
i was just fucking there for her...

:::sigh::::

life....it's something else