10 years and 2 days

I'll never forget that early early morning, my mom waking my sister and I up, and me not even questioning why...all because I knew.

I was in 8th grade, my sister in 4th. We slept in the same bed that night (we always liked to play slumber party...mostly because even though she was afraid of the dark, I secretly was afraid too) and so going to sleep, I slept with tears slowly coming down my eyes, because mentally and emotionally, I didn't wanna let go, but I knew I had to...So I went to sleep that night with a little whisper to my Tatay, "I'm ready if you are"....And I woke up...

We arrived in Chino Hills, to the most somber mood I've ever walked into in my life...everyone with puffy eye lids and red eye balls...that day....that day was the day....I'm not religious but I prayed, I prayed intensely for his soul, for our family, and greatly for my grandmother, who had just lost the love of her life.

We went about, kind of reminiscing about Tatay about our family, about how much he brought our family together, the many times he was our rock. Tatay, was a man of pride, and that pride is so strong I think it's been instilled into each and every one of his children and grandchildren....

At one point, I went over to my Tatay, sleeping, sooooo peacefully...I put my hand on his arm, and fell asleep too....

Again, I was awoken...the people were here to take him away...WOW how i LOATHED God that very moment, bc up until that moment, it wasn't real that he was gone, it wasn't real that I would only see him in my sleep...

As they took him away there were silent sobs that turned into loud ones, and I took the time to look around..
for the first time in my life, I saw my Dad cry, real tears that I never in my life had seen before....

The following days that led up to the funeral were tough and memorable...

But Tay, if it wasn't for all of your persistence making sure all of us got along, making sure that we realized how important it was to be NOCON...I don't think that I could say that some of my closest friends are my cousins..I don't even know how many people can say that...

It's because of you that I look forward to one day having kids myself, and teaching them the things you taught me...It's because of you I'm proud to say I am NOCON...

It's because of you that I'm such a big dreamer, and it's because of you that NANAY still has that twinkle in her eye...

Both Kuya Pogi and Kuya Sean had such touching entries about Tatay, and I guess I was inspired, I wasn't going to write about it, because I lack the grace that it takes to write something so touching, but I think that it's important to at least express what he's meant to me, what he's done for me, and what he's made me see.

the jitters

so i know that in my last post i said that we're waiting for a few months until we find a new apartment to get settled and such, but we went on a tour on sunday, and fell in love!

at this point all we're waiting for is employment verification from brian's job and we'll be good to go...


This is the apartment floorplan, for those of u that know the area, it's on 4th and milliken right behind boston's, it's a BEAUTIFUL apartment, and I'm so in love with it...
I'm a bit nervous because brian's job is taking forever, and we're supposed to be moved in by Tuesday the 18th...
talk about fast movement...

either way, i like prefacing the announcement of a possible new apartment with that we arent sure til everything is submitted.

there's a lot of things going on right now with work, family, friends, and i'm just trying to find that balance...

family wise, things are going great, living with my cousin isnt bad at all, and i'm extremely thankful for all her generosity!
my parents and i have thee greatest relationship since i dont even know when, i think they've finally gained respect for me, especially since i've finished part of my scholarly journey...
now it's about breaking to them that brian and i are going to live together, but that's another obstacle that i will willingly take on once i'm sure that we're approved for this apartment.

i've been hanging out a lot with my friends which oddly enough, is something that is so new to me, because before i moved out, the only thing i really had time for was brian, especially because i had some gnarly curfew...so i've been living the good life with the greatest friends anyone can ask for...

and work...is soooo crazy, i'm a little overwhelemed but little by little i'm sure things will fall into place....
i'm adjusting and realizing that i have a lot more riding on my job and a lot more responsibilities and a lot more people depending on me...

so needless to say i'm a nervous wreck and i'm going crazy about everything...
it's enough to be annoyed, but brian and my friends are greatly supportive of me :)

well hopefully next time i'm updating is via "apartment lovely"!

i hope that everyone's week was well

WOW AN UPDATE!

nothing like a day of rain to inspire u to update ur blog...
WELL...
things have been up and down as of lately, i've been ridiculously stressed out because of work, but i've been living the good life because of my fatty checks :)

At the moment i'm living with my wonderful and oh so generous cousin, until money and things balance out with the boyfriend and i :)

slowly but surely i've been doing what's best for me, i've been hanging out with friends and family...
I'm on yet another weight loss kick!

This election has got me going crazy!!
I was coming home yesterday and saw a mass amount of people on day creeek on foothill, either opposed to proposition 8 or for it...
every time i honked for a NO on PROP 8 person a YES on PROP 8 person walked in the way, and it made me upset because i didn't want them to think that I was honking for them!!!!
SO....
i rolled down my window and yelled "NO ON PROP 8" like 5 times, Do you think I made my message clear?

It's been a constant debate about who should be in office mccain and palin or obama and biden.
Now if you love me and know me you know who I'm voting for, and what I stand for and look for in a President...
But any way that any person votes, I've noticed a big sense of.....
I'm still not sure what the word is for it...
but it's something I havent seen in a very long time!
People are gathering together and actually caring about the issues...

I remember last election was not even like this,
people had voter efficacy and felt that their vote didnt count,
but this time around people are really determined about getting to the polls and making their vote count!!
I'm excited for the next few days turn of events

I REALLY HOPE THAT YOU GO OUT TO VOTE, YOUR VOTE COUNTS NO MATTER WHAT U SAY!!!
Now I'm off to shower and go vote myself :)

Have a lovely day it's raining for all the right reasons :) I'm glad I didnt wash my car!

graduation and such

well...i'm officially but unofficially done with school...

i'm here at itsagrind hanging out with my sister and her bff...
while my bff's are in like nogales or something partaking in festivities that surround the laker game...
maybe its jumping on the bandwagon but i'm kinda interested in the shit!

my baby boo is gone! it's disgusting how much i miss him,
it's also disgusting that i miss him at all..
we've been together for seven years (give or take a few months hehe) and i miss him for leaving me for barely even 2 weeks?
a mess

it's been an interesting week, but i really enjoy the girlfriend time that i've been squeezing in...
it was an evening filled with rock band and laughs...but toward the end of the night i got hella emo...

even though i know that mine and brian's relationship is not like one that anyone can ever really fathom in its entirety, i can't help but feel good that i've been with him for 7 years and i miss him, and i'm not thanking the lord that he's gone, i'm sad...

i am the temporary mother of jack hypes...a giant beverly sized golden retriever...he's great and i love him i want to keep him forever :(

several festivities are afoot!!!

apparently this saturday is joey's birthday celebration...
then on monday ateh irma is taking her dog away from me and it makes me way sad way sad way way sad....
tuesday june 24 my baby boo is coming home!!!!!!!!!!! yeeee
on the 28th ateh wilma is having a warming of the house
4th of july SUCKAS!!!!!
july 5th partay tay for the july bdays at kuya pogz house!!!
LOVE LIFE july 12th birthday party slash grad party at the parentals in riverside...

i love it when my schedule is full of eventful celebrations!
please tell me if i'm missing a wonderful celebration of yours :) i would love to attend

i'm enlightened....and feel deep, i'm at itsagrind reading and typing on my laptop...eww trendy!

haha peace and love

weekends and stuff

****kuya pogi...i've removed all "H" words and changed them to REALLY, yes i'm not from up north and i know how much u hate the word :)

-"so officially my life is in shambles" ((me at skyeler, gamaur, and sarissa's))

-although my previous week was quite great and eventful in every sense of the word, I am already looking forward to having next weekend..

-I took a brief vacation from march 27 to march 31st, i initially was going to go on vacation with a family of mine, but things happen, so that didn't happen...

-I did however, thoroughly enjoy the time off, and it made me realize that maybe i need to take the entire two weeks off just to sleep in and soak up the good life...and still get paid :)

-I have also been introduced to the love of running, and although my size and stature do not exemplify that of a person that runs, I LOVE IT!

-I was in san diego since saturday and came home today, but I LOVE IT over there i need to always be there but not always there if that makes sense...

-my lease is up in september and i REALLY can't wait for that shit to be up!!!

-I have recently been inspired to get my shit together...P.S. mostly just save money...

-I am currently reading a book compliments of the greatest R to the ISSSA! it's called the young fabulous and broke, and it's superly sensible which i truly do appreciate it

-And this evening upon my arrival to the rancho cucaboos...i came into contact with skyeler cobb and gamaur landrum we went to target and had a grand ol time

-but even more i was sitting in this apartment dying because i had a mint thing on my face!!! thanks GAMAUR!

-this is an extremely pointless entry...

-but this weekend, i learned that no family is better than mine.....NOPE NOT EVEN URS!

BITCHES!

thoughts on growing up.

-uhmm tell me why i have managed to make MORE than i did last month and my ass is still a broke joke
-tell me why i feel a compulsion to buy furniture at ikea...
-retail = therapy
-getting back in touch with old friends feels so good

BUSY month FEBRUARY KILLS let's take a glimpse:
14th Gettin the HURRR did suckas then CLINIC MEETING THEN voice and Craniofacial
disorders.....Valentines with the best roommate in the world?
15th Aisa girlfriend's baby shower!
18th A DAY OFF DAMNIT lol i just had to put that lol
20th TIMESHEETS and PROGRESS REPORT!
22nd Jessica's Debut
23rd Tiffany's Coronation
24th MIDTERM something new PLEASE
25th Scholarship Deadline
27th ROOMATES BIRTHDAY! potential PARTY keep ur eyes and ears open folks!
MARCH 1st ANOTHER BABY SHOWER WHAAAAT

Goal wise= 5k ready by APRIL! CARLSBAD 5K I LOVE SAN DIEGO!
Surfer ready by MAY! im gonna pull this shit off just u watch

life is taking unexpected turns, but i think i can handle...

"i used to pretend that i gave a fuck, but now i dont give a fuck a little too much" -atmosphere
love life

story of my life

i receive my horoscope everyday at 12pm

check out mine today

On one hand, you enjoy putting your talents to use. On the other, you feel tired of giving and never receiving...

STORY OF MY MOTHER FUCKIN LIFE!

so i want to tell u

that san diego was pretty much the antecdote to everything gone wrong in my life thus far...
i dont think that anyone really understood why i was going out there, and why i needed it so bad...
and for once in my life, i did something i was gonna do for me!
i know it sounds silly to a lot of you, but to be two hours away from home, and everything that's been happening here...
i went somewhere and i had fun, with no worries as to what would happen when i would wake up the next morning, the news i would receive or the hurt i would feel...

and i still cannot put into words all the things i knew and felt...

either way, this weekend, was great


and here are the pictures to prove it
http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=cm7n28s.kjgr75s&x=0&y=-fow571

finally....

so it's the new year...
and i celebrated the start of 2008 with a stomach flu, compliments of my baybeh baybeh from my white family....
i'm hoping that this all clears up because i wanted to really start of this year enjoying my life and really taking care of myself...

a lot has happened in the year 2007 it ended pretty rough, but i started yesterday extremely happy...
i have come to the realization that although not everything always works in your favor, it works out for the best...
i am thankful for all my family and all my friends, they've given me so much support and love, something that i resolve to not take advantage of this year...

the true highlight of 2007 was officially moving out...
it was truly a milestone that i never thought i would accomplish, but when life sees things fit i think that's when things happen...

and so this year, i really want to focus on finishing school and saving money to buy a house...
i'm actually really excited to not spend money so much, but i make my efforts almost everyday of my life to not spend money, and yet i'm still always broke :)

this entry is so choppy i apologize

resolutions:
1. lose weight (what's new, everyone does it)
2. save at least 3k by the end of this year for SOME of the down payment to the house (3k is not nearly enough for a house or condo)
3. get my bachelors degree
4. get promoted at work
5. TAKE CARE OF MYSELF

i have been home all day i feel like a damn broke bum...my seestars bday tomorrow i'm way excited that i'm freaking broke...