you, me and everyone else

i'm baaaack

2010-06-09T10:06:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been this long, reading back on my previous entries I feel like SO much has happened.
This is literally my first entry of the year and there is soo much contemplation and crazy events that have happened.
To most of my friends, it's pretty apparent that my introversion as at an all time high, and every time i make an attempt at social interaction, i back out.

I love all my friends and my family, but I think there's a lot inside myself that I've really been trying to work on.

Officially, I'm back in school....something that I should have done ages ago....but I am happy to state that I am back in school...
I am happy to state one other thing....but not without a bit of background to it.

This same time last year, I'm pretty sure you could talk to my sister, Brian, Kuya Sean or my Kuya Pogs (who received the brunt of my complaints)and find out that I was doing some serious soul searching in regards to my life choices.

I thought I wasn't happy where I was, I thought, I was better off somewhere else, but I went somewhere else....and somewhere else led me right back here...

Autism Behavior Consultants, it's been less than a year, and I officially realize what I want. I'm not going to be rich working there, but I'm going to be happy. I realized somewhere along the way, how much I loved working with these kids..How much i looked forward to making a difference in their lives, how much they've impacted my lives, and how much I want to give that back.

Apparently this was a lesson learned for me...

I look forward to what my future holds....I look forward to graduating in just a year and three months with my credential in Special Education...

I look forward....

it's been a while

2009-07-19T20:38:00.001-07:00

i go through these spurts of posting random, and useless facts about myself and my life as its been for the period of time that i haven't posted last.

anyhow, post 24th birthday, i've hit a big self improvement kick. it hasn't occurred to me how much time has passed and how many things i've let go of that really, i shouldn't have...

i've been on a weightloss kick for a few months now, and though it may not be noticeable to everyone, a whopping 23 pound weight loss has done wonders to my self esteem, and i can't wait to continue this journey of self betterment...

i've been slacking off at work, i'm not even gonna lie, i wish i had motivation to work hard, to make all sorts of lots of money, because hell, i would be a lot better off financially if i worked just 10 to 15 hours more a week...if i could bring myself to wake up earlier that 9am every morning and start work at earlier than 10 o clock most days, and work a full 8 hour day (without drive time)...bottom line is i'm burning out and i'm burning out fast...

i have loved and will always love working with children effected by Autism, however, is ABA for me? which brings me to...going back to school...how in the world did i get so stuck in a rut and never went back to school...how annoying is it hearing "when are you going back to grad school?" when really it's because i'm annoyed with myself for not going back...

life otherwise has been super awesome. way back to when kuya jus graduated college, and we partied up way hard both weekends...the smell of alcohol still gives me knots in my stomach and increases the sensitivity of my gag reflux....i didn't even drink for my birthday!

anyhow, my past two weekends have been relatively tame, and i have to say, it's much appreciated.

last weekend being my birthday, brian bought us a beautiful dog from the pound...who is way super special...we've affectionately named him sushi...it's a long story why we named him that...so ask me personally :)

i've been on a twitter kick as well, so add me betches! twitter username: misskrisnicole

either way i'm outro...see everyone on the flipside :)

i hate

2009-04-16T13:50:00.001-07:00

feeeling like this...can someone give me piece of mind...

any piece will do!

2009-03-17T22:51:00.000-07:00

as of my last post great things have arisen...and I'm trying my very best to capitalize off moments like these :)

I'm updating via sidekick, so if this post is visually displeasing I apologize, but thank you in advance for reading...

there's been a lot of things on my mind; kids, money, my health, my family, my relationships.....

ever since I started working with kids, there's been a lot of things that I have come to a realization with....its that I want kids so very much...Michael and Nicholas, the 2 Korean boys that I nannied for 2 years plus mean the world to me...I mothered them I fed them, did homework with them, read books with them, bathed them, and was their 2nd mother when their mom had things to do....I would not trade that experience for the world...they're still a greater part of my life and I plan to have them in that part for the rest of my life...
kuya pogs and ateh jas have been there for me especially in the tougher times last year....I couldn't ask for a better big bro and sister in law...and even more...they've been truly blessed with twins whom we're all anxiously awaiting the arrival of...they, like the Lee Family, have become a great part in my life...kuya pogz and ateh jas took me in and even welcomed brian with open arms (and for my family that's a reaally big deal)...they've done a lot of emotional coaching and supporting...I can't help but want to just be able to give back to them as much as I can, and with the twins coming, I can't think of a better way, than to love those kids to no end...

but with all these things comes money, the biggest deal ever these days, our economy is hurting and people are suffering...2 weeks ago brian and I ran into a man who asked us for money, food, or anything we had to offer..he told us that him and his family were living at a motel down the street and that he can't find a job...my heart melted...I'm usually so skeptical, but there was something so humble about that man...I wanted to tell him to come stay with us and save their money from a shitty motel...but who am I? we bought them chips and gave them 5 dollars...it was probably nothing...but we tried...on the way home I was reduced to tears...very intense, sad, scared tears...
will that ever be me? will I ever have to ask for anything from strangers in the parking lot of Target? Please God I hope not...

wow quite the entry I've got going here...I think I'll stop here..I'm actually getting tired, and I think Brians getting tired of hearing me type on my sidekick...night world...here's to another day...

President elect, make this country one that my niece and nephew will have a brighter future in....

the week ahead

2009-03-09T09:56:00.000-07:00

What a way to start the week!!!
Here I am, 10am and sipping on my cup of Joe, blogging and just thinking about things...
I'm 23 years old and I still blog hahah GO FIGURE..
I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, and just wanting to put things into action.
The life keeps moving around me and I sometimes feel like I'd much rather let it pass me by, then join the daily "grind"...
Work's been great, I got the raise I asked for and hope I deserve!!
My morning appointment got canceled, so that's the main reason I'm here and not doing something like working haha...

This past weekend was quite relaxing but a great feeling :)
Brian and I were finally NOT sick, so that I think was about the greatest highlight of our weekend lol.

On Friday, I spent a lovely girls day in with my BFF Beav, Tammy, and new found friend Janet...

Stella Rosa my newest wine preference!!!

Absolutely DEELISH and if I wasn't driving home that night I woulda polished off the entire bottle!!!
Tammy and Janet are 2 strong willed, successful women with awesome lives that make me just want the same!
How embarrassing if they read this, but when we were talking they were just a true inspiration to what I really want to be able to have.
They ignited a different kind of motivation in me to just really be successful and want big things in my life.

On Saturday, I went to the park with my sister to spend time with my most favorite kids in the world.
For those of you that don't know I used to be a nanny for 2 little Korean boys, named Michael and Nicholas, for 2 extremely important years in my life, these 2 boys were the center of my universe...
I think the greatest thing about having these two in my life was all that I learned from them,
aside from Pokemon and YuGiOh, I think the greatest lesson they taught me was that there was no greater feeling than making a difference in someone's life...
These two little boys have probably taught me the most out of anyone I have ever encountered, they make me smile a genuine smile when I spend time with them...
Their mother, Gina, is also another strong willed woman that I have been heavily influenced by, and if it wasn't for her, I don't think I would have ever set out to be on my own..

nicho picho loves him some food, he has grown up SOOO much!

Michael doesn't need me to get milk for him anymore, because he can do it on his own now!

...sigh...
Sunday, I spent the entire day with my mom, we went to lunch and just hung out being girls together..
I used to hate going to my parents' house and visiting them, I was always afraid of the lectures about money, being responsible, and my awful credit score...but I realized that maybe they're just trying to get me to get my shit together...
I let it go, and take the pain because it passes when they get bored of talking about it...
I really do love my parents and my heart aches seeing my mom as lonely as she is while my dad's gone...
I never understood the way their relationship worked, but seeing my mom so sad that my dad is gone, I understood that the most important thing exists in their relationship and that's love..
It's corny and cheesy, but as many times as I've wanted my mom to get a divorce from my dad, I think I understand now that she hasn't left him because she loves him...
I will never ever understand the fucked up ways that they do things, but I will understand that my mom and dad make each other happy.

I can't believe I've sat here for this long...
Hope you enjoy my ever so long ramblings :)

well...

2009-02-27T09:33:00.000-08:00

it freaking bites that I could swear that no one around me loves lily allen like i do, let alone knows her, and her freaking show is sold out in san diego....

"it's not you it's me" is probably the best mix of I'm fighting with my boyfriend, I love my boyfriend, I want to get rid of my boyfriend, and I hate society's view on what's cute, ugly and beautiful....

in other news things have been kind of back and forth, i'm really getting fed up with my job, and with the underpaidness of it all, but seeiing as there's a raise freeze, and our economy is shit, i shouldn't be complaining.

as of lately my social life has been on the backburner, and i've been staying in, writing reports, watching good movies, and spending time with brian.

i've also been baking my life away :)

I love the way it makes people happy, and it also makes me proud to say it's always from scratch...

tonight, I made dinner salmon and fettuccine alfredo

DEEELISH

I also made snickerdoodle cookies :)

either way...that's enough of me...pictures and such to come

peace and love life

the new year

2009-01-06T21:36:00.000-08:00

2009 rang in the best ever, and I just KNOW that this year is gonna be a GREAT year...((i hope i'm not jinxing it))

I started the New Year with the greatest family a girl can ask for...
Screaming the rap lyrics to WuTang and Tribe Called....
Jumping in pools, cleaning up vomit...:)

Spend New Year's day with my seestar and her boo, and my baby..

Enjoyed life, and prepared for Tiffany's birthday

Threw an awesome extremely successful birthday party for my seestar,
Went to the first More Fire of 2009 and that was the best ever...

I'm just so optimistic...I even had a bit of a freak out about work for it to end up working out...

Ijust feel so optimistic...and feel so good

2009 here i come!!!

10 years and 2 days

2008-11-22T09:47:00.000-08:00

I'll never forget that early early morning, my mom waking my sister and I up, and me not even questioning why...all because I knew.

I was in 8th grade, my sister in 4th. We slept in the same bed that night (we always liked to play slumber party...mostly because even though she was afraid of the dark, I secretly was afraid too) and so going to sleep, I slept with tears slowly coming down my eyes, because mentally and emotionally, I didn't wanna let go, but I knew I had to...So I went to sleep that night with a little whisper to my Tatay, "I'm ready if you are"....And I woke up...

We arrived in Chino Hills, to the most somber mood I've ever walked into in my life...everyone with puffy eye lids and red eye balls...that day....that day was the day....I'm not religious but I prayed, I prayed intensely for his soul, for our family, and greatly for my grandmother, who had just lost the love of her life.

We went about, kind of reminiscing about Tatay about our family, about how much he brought our family together, the many times he was our rock. Tatay, was a man of pride, and that pride is so strong I think it's been instilled into each and every one of his children and grandchildren....

At one point, I went over to my Tatay, sleeping, sooooo peacefully...I put my hand on his arm, and fell asleep too....

Again, I was awoken...the people were here to take him away...WOW how i LOATHED God that very moment, bc up until that moment, it wasn't real that he was gone, it wasn't real that I would only see him in my sleep...

As they took him away there were silent sobs that turned into loud ones, and I took the time to look around..
for the first time in my life, I saw my Dad cry, real tears that I never in my life had seen before....

The following days that led up to the funeral were tough and memorable...

But Tay, if it wasn't for all of your persistence making sure all of us got along, making sure that we realized how important it was to be NOCON...I don't think that I could say that some of my closest friends are my cousins..I don't even know how many people can say that...

It's because of you that I look forward to one day having kids myself, and teaching them the things you taught me...It's because of you I'm proud to say I am NOCON...

It's because of you that I'm such a big dreamer, and it's because of you that NANAY still has that twinkle in her eye...

Both Kuya Pogi and Kuya Sean had such touching entries about Tatay, and I guess I was inspired, I wasn't going to write about it, because I lack the grace that it takes to write something so touching, but I think that it's important to at least express what he's meant to me, what he's done for me, and what he's made me see.

the jitters

2008-11-12T12:30:00.000-08:00

so i know that in my last post i said that we're waiting for a few months until we find a new apartment to get settled and such, but we went on a tour on sunday, and fell in love!

at this point all we're waiting for is employment verification from brian's job and we'll be good to go...

This is the apartment floorplan, for those of u that know the area, it's on 4th and milliken right behind boston's, it's a BEAUTIFUL apartment, and I'm so in love with it...
I'm a bit nervous because brian's job is taking forever, and we're supposed to be moved in by Tuesday the 18th...
talk about fast movement...

either way, i like prefacing the announcement of a possible new apartment with that we arent sure til everything is submitted.

there's a lot of things going on right now with work, family, friends, and i'm just trying to find that balance...

family wise, things are going great, living with my cousin isnt bad at all, and i'm extremely thankful for all her generosity!
my parents and i have thee greatest relationship since i dont even know when, i think they've finally gained respect for me, especially since i've finished part of my scholarly journey...
now it's about breaking to them that brian and i are going to live together, but that's another obstacle that i will willingly take on once i'm sure that we're approved for this apartment.

i've been hanging out a lot with my friends which oddly enough, is something that is so new to me, because before i moved out, the only thing i really had time for was brian, especially because i had some gnarly curfew...so i've been living the good life with the greatest friends anyone can ask for...

and work...is soooo crazy, i'm a little overwhelemed but little by little i'm sure things will fall into place....
i'm adjusting and realizing that i have a lot more riding on my job and a lot more responsibilities and a lot more people depending on me...

so needless to say i'm a nervous wreck and i'm going crazy about everything...
it's enough to be annoyed, but brian and my friends are greatly supportive of me :)

well hopefully next time i'm updating is via "apartment lovely"!

i hope that everyone's week was well

WOW AN UPDATE!

2008-11-04T08:47:00.000-08:00

nothing like a day of rain to inspire u to update ur blog...
WELL...
things have been up and down as of lately, i've been ridiculously stressed out because of work, but i've been living the good life because of my fatty checks :)

At the moment i'm living with my wonderful and oh so generous cousin, until money and things balance out with the boyfriend and i :)

slowly but surely i've been doing what's best for me, i've been hanging out with friends and family...
I'm on yet another weight loss kick!

This election has got me going crazy!!
I was coming home yesterday and saw a mass amount of people on day creeek on foothill, either opposed to proposition 8 or for it...
every time i honked for a NO on PROP 8 person a YES on PROP 8 person walked in the way, and it made me upset because i didn't want them to think that I was honking for them!!!!
SO....
i rolled down my window and yelled "NO ON PROP 8" like 5 times, Do you think I made my message clear?

It's been a constant debate about who should be in office mccain and palin or obama and biden.
Now if you love me and know me you know who I'm voting for, and what I stand for and look for in a President...
But any way that any person votes, I've noticed a big sense of.....
I'm still not sure what the word is for it...
but it's something I havent seen in a very long time!
People are gathering together and actually caring about the issues...

I remember last election was not even like this,
people had voter efficacy and felt that their vote didnt count,
but this time around people are really determined about getting to the polls and making their vote count!!
I'm excited for the next few days turn of events

I REALLY HOPE THAT YOU GO OUT TO VOTE, YOUR VOTE COUNTS NO MATTER WHAT U SAY!!!
Now I'm off to shower and go vote myself :)

Have a lovely day it's raining for all the right reasons :) I'm glad I didnt wash my car!

graduation and such

2008-06-17T19:53:00.001-07:00

well...i'm officially but unofficially done with school...

i'm here at itsagrind hanging out with my sister and her bff...
while my bff's are in like nogales or something partaking in festivities that surround the laker game...
maybe its jumping on the bandwagon but i'm kinda interested in the shit!

my baby boo is gone! it's disgusting how much i miss him,
it's also disgusting that i miss him at all..
we've been together for seven years (give or take a few months hehe) and i miss him for leaving me for barely even 2 weeks?
a mess

it's been an interesting week, but i really enjoy the girlfriend time that i've been squeezing in...
it was an evening filled with rock band and laughs...but toward the end of the night i got hella emo...

even though i know that mine and brian's relationship is not like one that anyone can ever really fathom in its entirety, i can't help but feel good that i've been with him for 7 years and i miss him, and i'm not thanking the lord that he's gone, i'm sad...

i am the temporary mother of jack hypes...a giant beverly sized golden retriever...he's great and i love him i want to keep him forever :(

several festivities are afoot!!!

apparently this saturday is joey's birthday celebration...
then on monday ateh irma is taking her dog away from me and it makes me way sad way sad way way sad....
tuesday june 24 my baby boo is coming home!!!!!!!!!!! yeeee
on the 28th ateh wilma is having a warming of the house
4th of july SUCKAS!!!!!
july 5th partay tay for the july bdays at kuya pogz house!!!
LOVE LIFE july 12th birthday party slash grad party at the parentals in riverside...

i love it when my schedule is full of eventful celebrations!
please tell me if i'm missing a wonderful celebration of yours :) i would love to attend

i'm enlightened....and feel deep, i'm at itsagrind reading and typing on my laptop...eww trendy!

haha peace and love

weekends and stuff

2008-04-07T12:11:00.001-07:00

****kuya pogi...i've removed all "H" words and changed them to REALLY, yes i'm not from up north and i know how much u hate the word :)

-"so officially my life is in shambles" ((me at skyeler, gamaur, and sarissa's))

-although my previous week was quite great and eventful in every sense of the word, I am already looking forward to having next weekend..

-I took a brief vacation from march 27 to march 31st, i initially was going to go on vacation with a family of mine, but things happen, so that didn't happen...

-I did however, thoroughly enjoy the time off, and it made me realize that maybe i need to take the entire two weeks off just to sleep in and soak up the good life...and still get paid :)

-I have also been introduced to the love of running, and although my size and stature do not exemplify that of a person that runs, I LOVE IT!

-I was in san diego since saturday and came home today, but I LOVE IT over there i need to always be there but not always there if that makes sense...

-my lease is up in september and i REALLY can't wait for that shit to be up!!!

-I have recently been inspired to get my shit together...P.S. mostly just save money...

-I am currently reading a book compliments of the greatest R to the ISSSA! it's called the young fabulous and broke, and it's superly sensible which i truly do appreciate it

-And this evening upon my arrival to the rancho cucaboos...i came into contact with skyeler cobb and gamaur landrum we went to target and had a grand ol time

-but even more i was sitting in this apartment dying because i had a mint thing on my face!!! thanks GAMAUR!

-this is an extremely pointless entry...

-but this weekend, i learned that no family is better than mine.....NOPE NOT EVEN URS!

BITCHES!

thoughts on growing up.

2008-02-13T00:02:00.000-08:00

-uhmm tell me why i have managed to make MORE than i did last month and my ass is still a broke joke
-tell me why i feel a compulsion to buy furniture at ikea...
-retail = therapy
-getting back in touch with old friends feels so good

BUSY month FEBRUARY KILLS let's take a glimpse:
14th Gettin the HURRR did suckas then CLINIC MEETING THEN voice and Craniofacial
disorders.....Valentines with the best roommate in the world?
15th Aisa girlfriend's baby shower!
18th A DAY OFF DAMNIT lol i just had to put that lol
20th TIMESHEETS and PROGRESS REPORT!
22nd Jessica's Debut
23rd Tiffany's Coronation
24th MIDTERM something new PLEASE
25th Scholarship Deadline
27th ROOMATES BIRTHDAY! potential PARTY keep ur eyes and ears open folks!
MARCH 1st ANOTHER BABY SHOWER WHAAAAT

Goal wise= 5k ready by APRIL! CARLSBAD 5K I LOVE SAN DIEGO!
Surfer ready by MAY! im gonna pull this shit off just u watch

life is taking unexpected turns, but i think i can handle...

"i used to pretend that i gave a fuck, but now i dont give a fuck a little too much" -atmosphere
love life

story of my life

2008-01-08T12:22:00.001-08:00

i receive my horoscope everyday at 12pm

check out mine today

On one hand, you enjoy putting your talents to use. On the other, you feel tired of giving and never receiving...

STORY OF MY MOTHER FUCKIN LIFE!

so i want to tell u

2008-01-07T19:09:00.001-08:00

that san diego was pretty much the antecdote to everything gone wrong in my life thus far...
i dont think that anyone really understood why i was going out there, and why i needed it so bad...
and for once in my life, i did something i was gonna do for me!
i know it sounds silly to a lot of you, but to be two hours away from home, and everything that's been happening here...
i went somewhere and i had fun, with no worries as to what would happen when i would wake up the next morning, the news i would receive or the hurt i would feel...

and i still cannot put into words all the things i knew and felt...

either way, this weekend, was great

and here are the pictures to prove it
http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=cm7n28s.kjgr75s&x=0&y=-fow571

finally....

2008-01-02T10:20:00.000-08:00

so it's the new year...
and i celebrated the start of 2008 with a stomach flu, compliments of my baybeh baybeh from my white family....
i'm hoping that this all clears up because i wanted to really start of this year enjoying my life and really taking care of myself...

a lot has happened in the year 2007 it ended pretty rough, but i started yesterday extremely happy...
i have come to the realization that although not everything always works in your favor, it works out for the best...
i am thankful for all my family and all my friends, they've given me so much support and love, something that i resolve to not take advantage of this year...

the true highlight of 2007 was officially moving out...
it was truly a milestone that i never thought i would accomplish, but when life sees things fit i think that's when things happen...

and so this year, i really want to focus on finishing school and saving money to buy a house...
i'm actually really excited to not spend money so much, but i make my efforts almost everyday of my life to not spend money, and yet i'm still always broke :)

this entry is so choppy i apologize

resolutions:
1. lose weight (what's new, everyone does it)
2. save at least 3k by the end of this year for SOME of the down payment to the house (3k is not nearly enough for a house or condo)
3. get my bachelors degree
4. get promoted at work
5. TAKE CARE OF MYSELF

i have been home all day i feel like a damn broke bum...my seestars bday tomorrow i'm way excited that i'm freaking broke...

my life thus far

2007-12-03T10:58:00.001-08:00

wow

wow

wow

lalala

2007-10-15T22:20:00.001-07:00

well it's almost gonna be an entire month that we've been in this apartment, and I can't be happier...

although I'm hoping that the progress of our apartment comes along a bit faster as the week has many things in store...

this past weekend I spent some time with my family which was superb...

i got my hair cut :)
and today i purchased this beautiful hat!

it's superb

and so there u go :)

i know that it's hella random but i just wanted to show off that i have a new camera and a new hat!!!!

yay hooray!

mozart and the whale

2007-10-07T01:01:00.000-07:00

so if you ever wanna see a movie that touches your heart please watch this movie...
maybe because of my occupation, i've been so touched by this movie..
it is officially my most favoritest movie ever in life, forget ALL the rest..
this movie...

is ..
the ..

BEST EVER IN LIFE

:)

rent it...

and p.s.

JOSH HARTNETT IS IN IT AND HE PLAYS A DAMN GOOD AUTISTIC KID!

i be up in the gym just workin on my fitness

2007-10-04T18:45:00.001-07:00

so my roommate and I have made the ultimate wager!
we r going to do a biggest loser style competition...
winner wins a months free rent!
holler my ass is gonna lose some fuckin weight!!!!!

I can do this...
I'm going to win if I have to stop eating!

independent woman

2007-09-30T20:55:00.000-07:00

well its official, i'm in my very own apartment,
unfortunately i'm updating via itsagrind for their free wireless, and our lack of internet...
TUESDAY DAMNIT!
aside from that and my phobia of spending money .... it seems like i have none

with everything that is entailed with money i have,
the phone bill
and the gym bill (which i just paid)
those two things fluctuate and the fact that my cousin doesnt seem to realize the importance of 20 dollars to me these days makes me extremely tempted to see if i could just take him off!

i'm irritated i think because i'm pretty sure the asshole is avoiding me to pay me.

whatever though, i'm not one to let money come btw me and family...

did u know that it costs 105 dollars to start electricity? is it the lack of rental history?

serious though

then it costs us 80 dollars for the mother fucker to install our shit...
well fuck me sideways because i feel like i'm getting fucked in every way possible with money...
i cant help but feel cynical about our government even more because of all these things i didnt even realize...

our apartment is beautiful, and slowly it's coming together...
with daily visits from skyeler and brian eric the love of my life, time has been passing nicely...
my investment in blockbuster online is exciting....

hmm i should rent something right now!

smooches!

riverside, ca part deux

2007-08-26T20:27:00.000-07:00

it's all kind of surreal, but...
we're here in riverside, ca...
i'm not gonna lie, it's not that bad, and i actually like it up here....
but not enough...

rancho cucamonga is my home...

a series of things have been on my mind lately..
the relationships i have with people, my family, and brian...
it's wierd i mean i'm reconnecting with a lotta old friends...
jovana who's been nearest and dearest to me maybe since i was a freshman in high school, has been on the reconnect lately..
and well other friends i no longer have, but always have a special place in my heart...

my best friend aisa is preggo!!! we're excited and it's gonna be a rough road, but she's got all of us and her man by her side, i'm so extremely excited to be ninang,

with my family things have been chill...
but awkward, i dont know if it's the stress that everyone's going thru with the move but i dont know...
it makes me feel funny,
i have a wierd vibe..
i'm trying my best to be nice and have a good attitude, but sometimes when things arent reciprocated i tend to just shuttup and give up...

which leads me to this...
being nonchalant and defiant is it all really worth it?

i guess my biggest flaw, and biggest asset is my desire to please everyone,
my problem is i care about everything...
i dont like making my parents mad, and i dont like doing things that make anyone upset...
i'd rather there be harmony and order as opposed to any tension...

i guess that's just me, but i just dont get it...
i really dont understand the mean, the moodiness lemme take shit out on u..
the im gonna be fucked up to u even though u have no idea why...
but i think...that's why im glad i'm moving,
i dont have to deal with it, if my family is mad then they're mad, but i'm not going to be subjected to any sense of anxiousness...
but really i think that i should stop being so concerned about how everyone else feels...
or maybe i just try to hard...

i dont know obviously all of this is kinda not making sense because i'm just saying things as they come into my head, but on the real....
i'm over feeling like i'm the only one that ever CARES about what other people say or do...
or how they feel or whatever...

GAAAHHHH blah blah blah i'm so done with it..
i'm sorry if i've kind of rambled on, but i can't help it

either way....

AIM me this lonely evening...

misskrisnicole07

DO IT just DO IT

riverside, ca

2007-08-22T21:03:00.000-07:00

so we have OFFICIALLY began moving to Riverside, CA...
it was really weird because when i was helping my dad i kept referring to the house as THEIR house, because it's not ours...
i wont be living there..
i would be lying to you if i told u i wasnt tempted to just cancel all plans of moving out and just live with them in that 1 acre lot...
but i'm not going to..

there's a lot of inconveniences to living there, number one being it's not rancho cucamonga...
as much as i've hated on this place, i love it too much too leave...

i'm embarking on this new journey and i know that i always say it but i'm seriously scared..
a million things could go wrong, and right now my future roommate is in the Philippines so she's not here for me to yell at, because she seriously needs to get her shit together at work....

how do these feelings of nervousness subside?
i'm reaching out to all ya'll...
i'm so seriously scared, my nerves are shot, but in the back of my head I KNOW i can do it...

so seriously hook me up with some tips, i know that i've nationally promised to do better with eating out and stuff, and seriously i'm doing it, but that doesnt mean shit..

my job paycheck varies, thank god i've decided to take on babysitting and being a nanny again...

i hope that my hard work pays off...there's no more room for me to promote at my job, im really nervous about that..

i need to make more money and it sounds greedy but it's the truth, by the time i'm 25 i better own a house or else i'd seriously feel like i've failed...

hopefully the market stays sucky by the time i get my first teaching job because then brian and me can live in a house by the time we get married...
my timeline is seriously going according to plan...
and i dont want it to stop now...'
ive had so much support and motivation..
and as much as i scourn my parents..
i'm forever thankful that they've instilled the value of hard work in me....
either way,
things for the most part are stressful,
with school and this move (i'm gonna have to move 2 times i might add) i'm kinda overwhelmed...

hopefully,
life will start to level out...

goodnight all, and dont be too afraid to holla at me i miss all of u guys!

macs macs macs

2007-08-14T22:11:00.000-07:00

i am currently updating from one of nearest and dearest friends macs....
and i am seriously obsessed,
as several of my cousins and friends read this and yet neglect to comment i thnk that all of u should get together and buy me a 12 inch notebook...
i really dont mind having a 13 inch mac because it's waaaaay cute...
and so yes

either way, i have not visited the gym that i apparently pay 51.90 for because my cousin never pays me ... (jk love u cousin)...since monday

and well that's all tragedy and as skyeler and sarissa would say...it's a mess

im a mess, and my baby's birthday is on the 21st and his parents' wedding anniversary is on september, and sarissa and willis' wedding is the day after...

and i seriously need nt lok like a fat tub of lard.

and so anyways...
i realize that this is serious mindless banter...but i need to just breath out all my frustrations with the people i call my parents....

i am currently hiding away and skyeler, gamaur, sarissa, and willis' apartment because my parents aren't adults and place their children in the middle...

my parents also rushed into purchasing a house in riverside, and as i understand that the 1.2 million dollar home that they got for 800 thousand is an excellent investment it was extremely ill prepared.

i do not wanna hear "r u sure ur ready to move out" or "this is a big commitment" blah blah blah...

because i'm ready to ask them if they're ready for the move or if they can handle the big commitment, seeing as they've been badgering me to ask my friends to move into our house..which i might add will seriously invade their privacy...and that's ridiculous...i avoid home because i dont want questions about if any of my friends will move in...

GAAAAAAAAAH

and then...
i'm sorry, but i know that they dont like that my sister got a tattoo...

but for god's sake it's a tattoo of our last name...

she didnt shoot heroin up her arm and have twins as a result of being so high that she was unable to comprehend what she was doing...

now doesnt that sound so much worst then getting a fucking tattoo on ur wrist!!!!

so im tired of the questions about that..
and im just tired...

they're just giving me more and more reasons to not want to be home

i love them so bad and i am soooo thankful...

but i am 22 years old and make a good amount of money, as long as i can handle it im fine...

and i am...

this is a long bitter rant i love u all :)

♥

ruffs and stuffs with my afro puffs

2007-08-12T20:52:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been quite eventful and I can honestly say relaxing.

There's so many things going on in this house, and I am pretty sure that of all the times that I HAVENT been the adult, I'm the most adult person in this house....

my sister left for the bay area on Friday, and my dad has been in Korea since this past Tuesday, leaving the house to my mother and I.

On Friday I had an early day at work and ended early, which was, I'm gonna be honest, A BEAUTIFUL THING

-i returned that piece of shit rental car that cost me $520
-went to lunch with my cousin and seestar
-posted up at home
-and babysat my bosses formerly autistic son and psycho daughter
dont get me wrong i ADORE both these kids, but i'm sure i tend to favor the son, who's as chill as my sister and so incredibly loveable

Saturday:
-I had work early in the morning but it wasnt that serious it was like 2 hours and really chill
-I went to one of my clients houses to pick up boxes and say hello
-Then off Brian and I went to Downtown Disney...followed by the BLOCK to watch RUSH HOUR 3...SO FUNNY by the way it's a must watch before the summer is over!
-We ate a late dinner at Boston's after a mini trip to TARGET
-And home I went ;)

Sunday:
-My mother woke me too early on a day that i DONT have to wake up, to ask me about something that made no matter to me!
-I kinda chilled at the house for a minute and then got ready
-went to pick up ateh janice and headed over to....
-christy criders house for a laser hair removal party!!

cousins, close ur eyes so that ur not grossed out by this, but i'm officially addicted
!!!! and i'm pretty sure that from here on out i'm gonna get everything done!

and here i am lonely tuesday...
my dad is in korea, and i'm still shakin at the knees at the very thought of moving out..
but on that same note...
im so extremely excited!

everyone has been so extremely supportive which...MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!

so here i am....before all u young folks...imma do this shit and ur gonna be proud of me when i do!!!

okay..
well i have a lot more to say but that's what this evening is for!

lots of love and kisses!!!

♥

kris nicole

korea and all things alike

2007-08-06T21:19:00.000-07:00

now as u know i'm moving out...

my parents, my sister, and i will be moving in late august early september to riverside...
in late september my sister will be migrating to westwood UCLA...
and in october, i will be officially on my own,

possibly 09.30.07 all depending upon what the financial situation looks like..
i actually had a very humbling conversation with my father...
well my sister n i did,

he basically told me that he understands my desire for independence and that he'll support me...he like my mother believes that i need to be on my own in order to understand "responsibility"

my boyfriend as well as my cousin and friends had to deter me from purchasing a big ticket item today....
so i mean as long as i have such positive influences in my life i will continue to succeed...

i have managed to do well with my money....
i maintain, and i have no idea how i do but i do...

soon i will be moving out and it's a chapter in my life that i'm EXTREMELY excited for...

today...
i woke up to receive a call from my kid's mom that i can sleep a half an hour more, which turned into 45 minutes, and as usual i was late :)

i had a break after my shift, but was it really a break? my ass went to chino hills, back to norco then afterwards went back to chino hills!

either way i went to 71 after i got some time sheets signed and purchased my main girl kahlie her belated bday gift because god knows i'm the WORST at being on time with those things...

went to anthony's and contracted the "itus"...

went to my last shift and a reeediculously unsanitary home, that smells of urine and feces....
im sorry if i'm too graphic, but seriously, u may not be wealthy but it's not very difficult to clean to the point where the therapists that come in and out of ur house are comfortable, and not scared of contracting a bacterial disease!!!

and im done

i came home and realized my father was leaving for korea tomorrow.

had some daughter father time, my seestar, father and i...

we learned a lot from him, i actually appreciated that time, as opposed all the other times that i do not enjoy his presence..

and its interesting because the conversation was awesome and it wasn't awkward at all,
but i did realize that i need to prove to them and myself that i can do this...

i know that my blogs lately have been full of i'm moving out this and that, but i feel like i'm confirming it all here.
and how embarrassing would that be that i didnt do it and it's on here to haunt me forever that i have no idea how to get my shit together

the fact of the matter is my ass has been spoiled from day one,
and now the daily hustle will be intense enough for me to get my shit together..

i made it so i have more availability at work and still have a good school schedule..
im a little worried about car insurance, and i'm pretty sure my parents are paying for the deductible from this car accident, but if they dont, i might fall apart...no not really, i have enough that i can pay the 500 bucks im just hoping that i wont have to....

im in dire need of time with the following people...
brian
kahlie
my seestar
skyeler
gamaur
sarissa
ali with one l
chelsea clark

if ur name is on this list please call me at ur earliest convenience :)

goodnight

day one

2007-07-25T00:45:00.000-07:00

becoming a smart spender....

today/tomorrow will be my first day as a wise spender.

$20 a week on food, and making sure that I pack my food a majority of the time!!

....

hopefully, I can come back tomorrow and said i Spent 2 bucks or NOTHING at all, aside for necessities....

i will need to purchase gas tomorrow though, but that's a necessity...

GAAH! i'm SO scared

new chapters...

2007-07-22T09:52:00.000-07:00

yet another new chapter will be opening in my life...
my parents and my sister and i have been hustlin and bustlin in this household these days because well folks...
no longer will we own this house.

my parents have decided to purchase a beautiful home in riverside...
and by september...

i will be moving out.....

i never thought those words would ever come out of my mouth with genuine truth..

it may be october, but it is most likely september, if the place we want has the rooms we want...

it looks like it's gonna be brian, my co-worker and me.

im scared...
really really scared...
and talking to skyeler about it...

i'm not scared for the money, or brian and i...
i'm scared about my parents...

how do i tell them i'm leaving the nest?
how in the world do i even begin?

my parents for 22 years have supported me as far as putting a roof over my head...
and so now..

i'm probably gonna take on a number of things...
like my 2 hundred something dollar car insurance...
maintaining my car..
buying my own food........

im getting a bit scared, but i can do it right???

this raise that i'm getting couldnt come at a better time,
my annual review, that couldnt come at a better time either...

and so goes the necessities...
so far i have donations of...

a couch (thank u carshena!)
a refrigerator (I WUV U CHELSEA!)
a tv (THE BEST KOREAN MOM EVER!)

those are big ticket items that i'm definitely thankful for...

our bed set and mattress and dresser are prolly gonna cost us about 600
that i'm planning to get gradually...

we will still need a dining table, and a tv stand.

essential things like pots pans utensils and such....

.....

wow...
this is ...

intense...

i'm rambling and my whole 5 readers are probably bored =T

if any of u have any suggestions or tips or anything about all these little things that we need let me know..

♥

heres to changing my life :)

and so the story goes...

2007-07-14T16:59:00.000-07:00

so i was talking to one of my nearest and dearest friends, and well...
aisa asked about a specific person whom i used to call my best friend....
and i realized how intense it was that we are no longer best friends.

i mean the both of us, we went thru sooo much together,
ever since i was a freshman in high school, i dubbed her ateh...
then we just grew closer and closer, we gave each other that shoulder to cry one that no one else could provide..

and somewhere along the way, one of us changed, maybe her, maybe me....
the funny thing is, you always see the change in other people than in yourself, so i couldnt honestly tell you who really changed...

and now i'm here, it was her birthday last month, and it was the first birthday that i didnt spend with her...
it was the first year that we, weren't BFF's

but God knows....
i miss her so much...

i miss the late night sessions....
i miss the infinite text messages and phone calls throughout the day...
nobody has taken her place, and sometimes in hopes that she might take that space back up again...

i never ever thought that i would be this sad about not being friends with her any longer...

there's so many times when i've wanted to call her, or text her and just tell her...

i'm sorry that i did things the way i did, and that i'd hope we could start over...
but i could picture the face she makes when she sees my text because she cant possibly forgive me, or thinks i'm just a stupid, naive asss.

when my nanay was in the hospital i was so thankful for all the support, and the love i got...
my family, friends, and co-workers were extremely supportive...
but i for some reason, hoped that michelle would randomly call me and say "hey bitch i fucking miss u"...
because michelle would say that....
and i could cry my heart out to her because i was so scared that this trip to the hospital was going to be a extremely crucial one...
because michelle, is one of the very few people that arent family or brian that understand how MUCH my nanay means to me...
because michelle was always compassionate and concerned enough to concern herself with the relationships i had with my nanay...

what an idiot i must have been to not support her,
for the first time in our friendship i think that inadvertently, she was asking for help...
and i walked away, because....
because i was selfish and felt like i should no longer partake in such behavior...

but....
i wish...
i was just fucking there for her...

:::sigh::::

life....it's something else

birth

2007-06-12T00:59:00.000-07:00

on this day today, my father was born...

well on this day today, my father was one day old :)...
we celebrated my fathers birthday and i am so happy for him..
there have been a lot of trials and tribulations for him in the past few months, but i am still oh so very proud to call him my father.
this family has fallen victim to the government's corrupt politics,
i wish to not go further with this, for i risk a great deal in divulging such information,
however, knowing this, i think that you understand just a little bit more why i think this government is a bunch of bull sh.....
i digress.

tomorrow/today my baby Michael Lee is gradumating kindergarten from Caryn Elementary!
i'm so proud of him,
when i first had him, he was so socially inept, and had a brain that produced so much that his ideas came faster than his ability to express them...

children, especially all of mine (Korean and Autistic) have honestly made me soo proud, so privileged and SO happy to be a part of it all....
Michael and Nicholas, before my sister and i were children with such an urge to express themselves in any way shape or form...
and we gave it to them, we gave them....the words and tools to use to make themselves who they are and will be....

all my children at the clinic mean the world to me...
i cannot imagine myself anywhere else...
and although monetarily i'm sure i am not being compensated adequately...
i know that emotionally, i have filled a void that has existed for so long..

no longer do i have a job with no meaning to me or to society,
yes every occupation has a purpose, and is chosen by each their own to ensure that they are fulfilling not only the physical needs, but emotional and mental as well...
my occupation is mentally stimulating, and each and every one of my colleagues and i, spend everyday, ensuring that our every move, behavior, saying, is one that will positively influence the children we work with....

and excuse me for maybe sounding a bit righteous,
but i am tired of answering ignorant questions of the children i work with....

"so what's their thing?"
"are they basically retarded?"
"why dont you just tell them to stop?"
"isnt Autism like, when you dont know how to act right?"

people have come to these insanely inaccurate conclusions...
why in the WORLD would anyone in their right minds state these ignorant things as if they were fact?

please, when you ask about something unknown to you, ask in a manner that would not offend or give the person you are asking the impression that you are extremely ignorant and GAH!

.......

so...
yeah...
i'm off tomorrow YAY!

12 inch laptops

2007-05-31T19:12:00.000-07:00

WHY do i want one so bad?????
wanna know the honest truth?
2 reasons
1. they are great and mobile and so darned cute
2. i have the cutest sleeve that i've been DYING to use tehe

okay i know i know those are absolutely awful reasons
maybe that's because i'm shallow oh so shallow

work:
work is becoming absolutely great, i've been working lots and lots of hours
to get ahead in the game
and well to make more $kR!ll@

since i refuse to buy my fat ass any clothes until i become a skinny ass
i've justified this future purchase of a 12" laptop

i'm obsessed

my latest obsessions?
1. the gym
(i pay freaking 35 bucks a month for that shit, i better be obsessed with it!)
2. peanut butter sandwiches
3. my boyfriend, i cant get enough of that kidd!
4. 12" laptops
5. my kids at work, they're my world

and sooo there u have it
i hope that all you nocon cousins are freaking excited that i'm doing this

because i now have like 2 blogs!